Mom struggles...they're real!

As mother's we all have those days that we feel we have failed, that we are horrible moms, that our kids will grow up and hate us.  That they will leave the nest and never want to come back.  

But here is the thing. We don't talk about those days.  Maybe occasionally we will with close friends and some family but we as moms often keep those thoughts and emotions to ourselves,  I just am sitting here wondering why?  Why do those day to day struggles of raising our children have to be a burden we bare alone. Yes, we can talk to our other half but let's be real, they don't truly understand the guilt we put on ourselves daily about the smallest of slips. 

A few weeks ago I had a horrible, no good, very bad day with my daughter.  I felt defeated, I felt I failed and that it would be better if I wasn't with them full time, but holy moly daycare cost for 3 kids! EEK! I was crying and horribly upset after she went to bed and I did something we all as moms don't normally do. I shared my horrible, no good, very bad day on a social media post.  I figured that people wouldn't read it, that they would just scroll on by and find something happy to read.  But that didn't happen.  I had mom friends and friends who have yet to enter the world of motherhood comment with kind encouraging words.  Words that lifted my spirit and made me feel like I am not alone.  I am not the only one who struggles with keeping my cool or always having the most nutritious dinner on the table. 

I went to bed that night with hope in my heart that the next day would be a little better.  I prayed hard that night, asking for forgiveness for the harsh words I had used, that my daughter would wake with a smile on her face with the day before forgotten, and a good day to be had by all. And we had just that!

Even days after that horrible one I felt a new sensation as I went about my daily routine with being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, etc. I felt like I had this team of loved ones with me everywhere I went, I felt like I wasn't alone when I was starting to lose my patience.  And let's be real here with three kids under five losing patience is like an Olympic sport and I win the gold! Ha!

But the other night, as I started writing this post, I got to thinking about what struggles my friends might be having in their lives as mothers, the struggles no one talks about but everyone goes through.  I have friends and family in varying stages of motherhood so I asked, "What are your struggles as a mom?" And I got some of the most honest and real answers and you know what, I related to every.single.one!   

First time moms who are in the thick of self doubt because as my mom says "They don't come with a manual". What would I say to those moms who are doubting every decision they make wondering if it is the right one.  I wish I could have them all over, snuggle all the new babies, and say, "It ok, you've got this, your love for this child will not lead you astray.  Trust that gut instinct and throw out the books because the knowledge of what your baby needs is within you!" And then I would let them take a nap on my most comfortable couch with the worlds softest blanket while all the babies played in the other room. 

To the moms who have 2 or more kids who all have different needs and need those needs all met at the exact same time.  I would sit them down at my table where we could laugh and cry at the crazy things that our kids say and do and hand them a glass of wine, or soda, whichever is their go to after a long ass day where you feel that it might just be the day you lose your damn mind! 

And the moms who are planners and organizers that want to just sit back and enjoy the moment instead of the ones we've planned for next week, month, year!  I would take their planners and phones, lock them in a drawer and we would all head to the park for some fun in sun followed by brownies and ice cream, because I mean who doesn't love that! Am I right?

The moms drowning in mom guilt of having enough time to do everything.  I would hire a maid, cook, or whatever they need for a day so they can just be.  They could just enjoy the here and now and not worry about what else needs to be done, or go take a nap, whichever they fancy. Together we would also learn to say "no" to the things that aren't important or more important than our kids that is. 

To nursing moms who are struggling and to formula moms who are feeling guilt I would say, "Is your child happy?  Are they growing and thriving?" If they answer yes to those then the answer is clear that they are doing their best and what more could a person ask of you.  And I know, as I have done both, pumping and working SUCKS, like holy heck does it suck.  But when you get home and snuggle that baby and see that what your body is providing them is all they ask or need of you. Well, it just makes it suck a little less. To my mom friends who work full time and then come home and mom full time just know that it is ok to come home and occasionally lounge on the couch and binge watch a show with your kids.  They will be fine, their brain will not rot away, because kids, especially school age kids, all need a break too sometimes!

To my stay at home mom friends, seriously listen to this because it is insanely important. I'll cap it so it's clear. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP OR A BREAK.  Like really it is, you don't have to be supermom everyday.  It is hard moming 24/7/365.  I love my kids more than anything on the face of this Earth but damn if I couldn't use a break every now and again. You have to stay in tuned with who you are as person in order to be the best mom version of you for them.  Did that makes sense?  Because I feel like it did in my mind.... but you know whatever! 

And while I am still a few months away from having school age kids, I can see how managing all that entails can be hard especially when we ourselves have full schedules to maintain.  All we can do is try our best and know at the end of the day that we did just that!

We all need to remember that we are not alone, that we have support all around us.  That it is OKAY to ask for that support when we need it.  I don't know about you but I want to be there for not only the good times but for those hard times too.  I want you to know you are not alone just as I want to know that I am not alone.  The saying "it takes a village" comes to mind, how are we going to get through this thing called motherhood without the support of those who have been through it too.  We are in the trenches together my friends!  

Also, something I have learned with my three crazy adorable most fabulous kids is that what works for one isn't going to work for the other.  I have to find daily what the magic potion is that will work wonders for them all and if I am lucky I will get two days in a row of the same tactic working but we will just call that a bonus! 

New content coming!

I’ve struggled recently on what to do with this space. My little space of the internet here that I don’t want to give up on but that I need to find a niche in which it will thrive but that also feeds my soul. 

At first, when peanut was first born I struggled with finding time to even brush my teeth.  Maybe someday I’ll write about those first few weeks and how it affected our family in transitioning from 4 people to 5 but not today.  As things have settled down and a routine became more and more solidified I have started, stopped, restarted and then deleted several post.  Nothing felt right, nothing felt worthy of sharing with whoever does read this blog especially since I haven’t spent very much time growing it since starting it. 

You see I also am starting to question just how much of my life I really want to share?  Do I really want people to know all the ins and outs of my family if they are not close and actively involved in our lives?  The answer to that is no, no I do not.  That works for some people in the blogging world and that is great, wonderful even because it works for them.  I need to find what works for me.  So, that is what I’ve been working on.  I sat down this last week and really thought about what I want this place to be and how much I really want to invest in it because I do want to invest in it. I want an outlet where I can share what I am passionate about, which is a wide range of things, and a place where people can come and share theirs too.  Where I can be me, not mom me but before kids me, sarcastic creative imaginative me. I sure hope you like her! 

I am working on some new content for you guys, I have some great ideas up my sleeve and I cannot wait to share them with you and I hope you’ll enjoy it and share it with your friends and that they enjoy it too!  With that said please keep an eye out for some fun and exciting new things coming from Bushel of Sweet Peas soon and will you join me on the journey of growing my blog?  I hope you will! 

Someday...But not today.

Before I became a mom I had all these ideas of what it would be like.  What I would feel like.  How it would change me.  But I was wrong, so very very wrong.  It is so much more than that.  It is a feeling unlike any other in the world.  There is no love like a mother’s love and it is a feeling that consumes you.

It also is a feeling that will keep you up at night thinking about what if’s and someday’s.  The somedays you know are far off in the distance and the someday’s that are looming down and are right around the corner.  Time, I have learned, is fleeting when you become a parent.  You desperately try to grasp for more of it but the more you try to grasp at it the faster it appears to slip away.

Someday I won’t have to change diapers any more.  Someday going down the formula aisle in any store will be a thing of the past, the same with diapers.  Someday tripping over toys and lovies will be a thing of the past only to be replaced with shoes, backpacks, and other various teenage junk.   Someday fighting over how many more bites is needed in order to get a “special treat” will be a memory we laugh about and not a daily struggle.

Someday I won’t have to announce “Bath Time” and wash all the kids myself.  Someday I’ll be pounding on the wall saying “Get out of the shower!” Someday I won’t have to help with jammies or getting dressed at all, until one special day for my one special girl when she’s met that one special guy.  Someday, I’ll be watching them pack and leave for great adventures and lives of their own.

Someday I won’t have to tuck three of the sweetest people that have ever walked the face of this earth in bed.  Someday I won’t have to do five snugs as a bug in a rugs.  Someday they will be doing the tucking and the snuging and the story telling.  Someday the only book I will read at night is the one I have chosen for myself.  Someday when I prepare dinner it will be just for me and my husband.  Someday I’ll prepare a meal so big I’ll wonder how I ever struggled with finding time to cook for five.

Someday I won’t have to worry about what school is best and what doctor should I choose.  Someday I’ll be worried about how far away the college is and how many visits are too many visits. Someday they won’t need me like they need me today, there won’t be booboos to kiss away, but there will be broken hearts to mend.  Someday they will be all mended and ready for the last and longest loves of their lives.  Someday I’ll dance a special dance with two of my most special boys on the most special day of their lives.  Someday I’ll become second replaced by her and I’ll gladly give her the spot and make sure she knows how loved she is by not only my son but by his parents as well.

Someday I won’t listen to endless bickering and tattling.  I will only hear silence of a house once filled with so much noise I can’t remember what the bickering or tattling was about but will remember the love and laughter that fills these walls around us.

Someday I’ll hold a baby freshly born again but then it will be with the love of a grandma and I suspect the worry’s, what if’s, and someday’s will all start again. 

But not today.

Today, I will hold my final baby for a little longer.  Today, my only girl will let me rock her for a minute even though we both know she just wants to be laid down in her bed.  Today, I’ll do six snugs as a bug in a rug for my oldest.  For the one who made me a momma for the very first time.  Today I will pray like I have from the very first positive test I have ever received for their safety, for their happiness, for the peace of mind that I will always do whatever is best for them.

Today I will look at the monitor as my babies sleep and know that all those someday’s will eventually come but I will soak up ever single bit of the today that I can.  Today I will read an extra story book at night about far off places or dirty dinosaurs or princesses who need their prince to save them.  Today I won’t worry about the dishes or what I need to do tomorrow.

Today I will hold my babies close and smell their freshly bathed hair and love on them and thank them for being so special and for loving me exactly as I am.  Today I will thank my husband for this beautiful life we are building even though some days are hard, some days we still love each other but don’t always like each other in the moment. Today I will cherish the moments that are good and store them in the memory bank for those someday’s when I am lonely.

Today I will be thankful that God trusted me enough to be a momma to three beautiful beings who may poop/pee on me, who need lots of attention, who repeat themselves until I acknowledge every word they have said.  Children who ask for a special treat even though they know they didn’t eat all of their dinner.  Today I’ll say “OK, but just this once” even though we both know that is a lie. Today I will build a lego tower instead of sweeping. Today I won’t worry about tomorrow and just savor each moment I have with my babies.

Today I will love the life I am living because I can’t imagine a better one. 

I'm Thin... Or at least I'm gonna be. Part 1

I have struggled with my weight gain for quite some time.  Like 6 years worth of time.  I hit my highest weight between Z-Man and Sweet Pea but lost 20+ lbs after having Sweet Pea and hovered there for some time. Then I got pregnant with Peanut and that whole pregnancy I only gained 2 lbs. 

Cut to after delivering him I dropped 19 lbs within the first 2 weeks and again hovered.  But having two kids within 15 months of each other takes a major toll on ones body and I am not comfortable in my own skin any longer. 

With that said with the support of my amazing husband I have embarked on my new weight loss journey.  I have just completed my first month and in this month I had two goals.  Goal one was to be under 200 lbs by the 4th of July, goal two was to lose 10 lbs in one month.  I started on June 12th at 205.6 lbs so being under 200 lbs by the 4th was completely doable and I knocked that goal out of the park and was so proud that i completed that first step. And having just completed my first full month I am down to 196.0 lbs. so literally .4 lbs away from my 10 lbs goal which I am sure will come off this week. 

I am elated to be having such great success but am still struggling with how my body looks after having my third child.  Peanut is only 3 months old and I know it takes time for everything to go back to normal but I am just getting frustrated that I am not seeing more progress in that area despite my efforts focusing there. 

For mother's day I asked for a Jawbone UP2 and was so excited when it came in the mail.  I chose the Jawbone for a few reasons and more specifically the UP2 instead of the UP3.  I don't like the look of the fitbit because it looks like a fitness band where I feel the the UP2 and Jawbones in general don't scream fitness band.  The one I got is adjustable in the wrist size and if easy to set up and use.  It also links to My Fitness Pal which is awesome I don't want to have to log in my steps at the end of the day it is just automatically updated for me throughout the day. I chose the UP2 as opposed to the UP3 because the only new thing the 3 had was a heart rate monitor and after talking with a friend of mine I didn't feel I would really utilize that at all. 

I have started Herbalife Protein Shakes again and am loving them just as much as the first time I did them and they have so many other benefits for me than just a meal replacement.  They keep me full longer so I am not making stupid snack mistakes, I am more regular if ya know what I mean, they are easy to do while still taking care of and feeding my family, and most importantly they are delicious and don't taste like a meal replacement. I am also loving the app My Fitness Pal for tracking my meals and keeping me focused on my goals.  I really love that at the end of the day when you complete your diary of eating and exercise it gives you a ballpark number of what your weight would be if you ate and worked out like that everyday.  Talk about motivation!  Then when you see the number coming down on the scale and the inches falling off it is really great for keeping you on track. 

For work outs I have been walking laps around the downstairs of my home.  Since I live in Arizona it is way to hot to be working out outside right now.  And with us being a single income household with three small kids I feel right now that a gym membership would wasteful. I am also lifting hand weights we have here and core training workouts I have found online.  This seems to be working for now but I am looking forward to walking/running outside when the weather cools down.

So, let's get real about some number here shall we. My measurements when I started were as follows. 

Date: June 12, 2016

Weight : 205.6 lbs

Waist: 40 in

Chest: 45 in

Hips: 49.5 in

Left Leg:         24.5 in

Right Leg: 25 in

Left Arm: 13 in

Right Arm: 13 in

Date: July 12, 2016

Weight : 196.0 lbs

Waist: 38 in

Chest: 44 in

Hips: 47.5 in

Left Leg:         24 in

Right Leg: 24 in

Left Arm: 13 in

Right Arm: 13 in

Overall I am happy with my progress and am looking forward to seeing what this next month looks like. What are some of your favorite workouts?  What are your trouble spots?  Any tips or tricks you think I should know, let me know in the comment section below.

Remember Me??

Hi friends!

I am sorry it has been so long since I have been here on the blog.  Life was hectic there for a minute.  Well, to be completely honest it is still hectic as life with 3 kids will always be I think but I am managing much better now.  I am working on some new content and I will have it up shortly.  So... stay tuned my beautiful internet friends!

Until then...
Xoxo,
Jenn

Meal Plan Monday

It has been a while since I have done a meal plan Monday.  With the holiday’s I was rather busy with getting ready for those as well as Sweet Pea’s birthday, which is on Christmas Eve, you can imagine how busy an already busy time of the year is for us.  While I did try to keep up with our meal planning I wasn’t the greatest.

At the beginning of January CJ and I decided to make a conscience effort in making all our meals at home with an occasionally treat every now and then.  To give you a bigger picture of what our habits were CJ would often eat out 3 meals a day, usually bringing dinner home with him, and occasionally I would get us a coffee breakfast treat or lunch out for Zach and me.  July was by far our worst month where we spent a little more than $1,200 eating out.  That is about the same amount as our monthly mortgage for our home.  I was astounded by this number and knew it needed to come to an end.  So far for January we have only spent $215.00 on eating out, that being mainly CJ eating out for breakfast and lunch at the beginning of the month and one dinner for the 4 of us.  I have gotten into a much better routine in the morning and for the last two weeks or so I have been packing CJ’s lunch and making more of an effort to not give in to the “treat” lunches for the kids and me. There is still major room for improvement but this month is the longest amount of time in a row that we have had home cooked dinners every night.

When CJ and I first started dating it used to be a fun date night for us to go to the grocery store and buy everything we needed for the week, or even stock up at Sam’s Club and meal prep at home.  But for this reason or that we have gotten away from that but are making more of an effort to focus back on those roots we started so long ago. We have turned what used to be our favorite kind of date night into a family outing.  Z-man loves holding the list, helping put things in the cart as well as on the conveyer belt when it is time to check out.  And well Sweet Pea is just excited when she gets a snack during the shopping trip for now. I load up our grocery rewards card with their digital coupons and bring along any paper coupons we happen to clip that week, shop according to what is on sale for that week, and have recently started using the Ibotta app to earn cash back on things we are buying anyway.  All of those savings really add up quickly and plus we earn gas points.

What are some of your favorite money saving tips for the grocery store? Leave them in the comments I would love to hear them!

Here is this week’s menu.  You will notice I don’t plan out lunches as during the week while at home we typically eat leftovers and CJ and Z-man when at school take sandwiches so since that is a constant it takes that one meal a day out of my planning which makes it that much easier.  Also, I am trying to challenge myself to try one or two new recipes each week so we don’t fall into a rut and get sick of the same things all the time. The new recipes I am trying this week are highlighted to take you to the link where I found them.  

S u n d a y

                Breakfast – Breakfast Sandwich

                Dinner – Steak, baked potato and veggie

M o n d a y

                Breakfast – Pancakes with fruit

                Dinner - Parmesan chicken bites, salad and rice

T u e s d a y

                Breakfast – Eggs with yogurt

                Dinner – Taco’s with corn and beans

W e d n e s d a y

                Breakfast – Waffles with fruit

                Dinner - Pork chops, salad and rice

T h u r s d a y

                Breakfast – Blueberry muffins with yogurt

                Dinner – Creamy garlic chicken, potatoes and green beans

F r i d a y

                Breakfast – Eggs with fruit

                Dinner – Pizza with salad

S a t u r d a y

                Breakfast – Omelets with toast

                Dinner – Burgers with macaroni salad and fruit

Sausage Tortellini Soup

Happy New Year  y’all!  I have to be honest here for a minute.  I have wanted to write something for the blog all day but have been struggling to come up with the words.  I think mostly I was over tired from a long night with a sick husband, a coughing preschooler, and a teething toddler.  Momma needed a nap!

I have since had said nap and feel like I can now think clearly and coherently enough to share my thoughts with you.  This isn’t going to be a post about resolutions or how to organize your house in 2 hours.  It won’t even be a post of “How to lose those holiday pounds in 2 weeks!” Not that there is anything wrong with those kinds of post, they just aren’t me as I did not make any resolutions this year.  None at all!  What I did do was choose a word that I want to focus on, that I want to center me in all I do and let it consume me instead of all the outside bull crap that others can sometimes intentionally or unintentionally project onto you. And that word this year is; Joy, Anyway, I digress!

I remember growing up our local grocery store, Nob Hill Foods, would put recipes on the front of their ads and then have all those ingredients on sale for that week so people would want to try them.  My mom was always looking for a good deal to stretch the grocery budget and also for new recipes to subject… I mean offer… yeah offer… to my dad, sister, and I.  Most were hits but if I remember correctly there were a few misses but by golly if there wasn’t a hot meal on the table each night after my parents both put in very long days at the office.

This recipe I am about to share with you is one of those said recipes from the grocery ad all those years ago.  Well, technically it is a combination of TWO of those recipes.  How that happened was when I was living on my own and had just started dating CJ I wanted to impress him with my culinary skills but couldn’t remember either of the recipes in full separately and accidentally combined them.  The result was absolutely delicious and I have never made it any other way, or the individual recipes again, and Sausage Tortellini Soup was born.

Here is what you will need;

  

1 pound Italian Sausage

1 package Tortellini

2 – 32 oz containers Beef Broth

1 jar marinara sauce

1 -2 zucchini (sliced) depends on size

Italian seasoning (about 1 tablespoon)

Minced garlic (about 1 tablespoon)

Salt & Pepper to taste

Directions:

1 – Remove sausage from casing and brown in a pot.  Drain fat.  Return to pot and add minced garlic and sliced zucchini.

2 – Pour in beef broth, marinara sauce, Italian seasoning, salt, and pepper.  Let it come to a low boil.

3 - Stir in tortellini and cook according to package directions (just don’t drain.) Once the tortellini is cooked through you are ready to serve.  I like to serve this soup with crescent rolls on the side; I usually sprinkle a little Italian seasoning on crescent rolls prior to baking.

This is a fairly easy recipe that comes together quickly for those busy nights or just a cold night when you are looking for a fast dinner to serve tour family!  It makes a good amount of soup, if I am remembering correctly from when I was growing up it made enough soup for the 4 of us to have dinner a couple times or for my parents to take some as leftovers for lunch that week. For my little family it will stretch a little further. 

I hope you give this recipe a try and enjoy it as much as my little family does.

Until next time my friends!