Mom struggles...they're real!

As mother's we all have those days that we feel we have failed, that we are horrible moms, that our kids will grow up and hate us.  That they will leave the nest and never want to come back.  

But here is the thing. We don't talk about those days.  Maybe occasionally we will with close friends and some family but we as moms often keep those thoughts and emotions to ourselves,  I just am sitting here wondering why?  Why do those day to day struggles of raising our children have to be a burden we bare alone. Yes, we can talk to our other half but let's be real, they don't truly understand the guilt we put on ourselves daily about the smallest of slips. 

A few weeks ago I had a horrible, no good, very bad day with my daughter.  I felt defeated, I felt I failed and that it would be better if I wasn't with them full time, but holy moly daycare cost for 3 kids! EEK! I was crying and horribly upset after she went to bed and I did something we all as moms don't normally do. I shared my horrible, no good, very bad day on a social media post.  I figured that people wouldn't read it, that they would just scroll on by and find something happy to read.  But that didn't happen.  I had mom friends and friends who have yet to enter the world of motherhood comment with kind encouraging words.  Words that lifted my spirit and made me feel like I am not alone.  I am not the only one who struggles with keeping my cool or always having the most nutritious dinner on the table. 

I went to bed that night with hope in my heart that the next day would be a little better.  I prayed hard that night, asking for forgiveness for the harsh words I had used, that my daughter would wake with a smile on her face with the day before forgotten, and a good day to be had by all. And we had just that!

Even days after that horrible one I felt a new sensation as I went about my daily routine with being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, etc. I felt like I had this team of loved ones with me everywhere I went, I felt like I wasn't alone when I was starting to lose my patience.  And let's be real here with three kids under five losing patience is like an Olympic sport and I win the gold! Ha!

But the other night, as I started writing this post, I got to thinking about what struggles my friends might be having in their lives as mothers, the struggles no one talks about but everyone goes through.  I have friends and family in varying stages of motherhood so I asked, "What are your struggles as a mom?" And I got some of the most honest and real answers and you know what, I related to every.single.one!   

First time moms who are in the thick of self doubt because as my mom says "They don't come with a manual". What would I say to those moms who are doubting every decision they make wondering if it is the right one.  I wish I could have them all over, snuggle all the new babies, and say, "It ok, you've got this, your love for this child will not lead you astray.  Trust that gut instinct and throw out the books because the knowledge of what your baby needs is within you!" And then I would let them take a nap on my most comfortable couch with the worlds softest blanket while all the babies played in the other room. 

To the moms who have 2 or more kids who all have different needs and need those needs all met at the exact same time.  I would sit them down at my table where we could laugh and cry at the crazy things that our kids say and do and hand them a glass of wine, or soda, whichever is their go to after a long ass day where you feel that it might just be the day you lose your damn mind! 

And the moms who are planners and organizers that want to just sit back and enjoy the moment instead of the ones we've planned for next week, month, year!  I would take their planners and phones, lock them in a drawer and we would all head to the park for some fun in sun followed by brownies and ice cream, because I mean who doesn't love that! Am I right?

The moms drowning in mom guilt of having enough time to do everything.  I would hire a maid, cook, or whatever they need for a day so they can just be.  They could just enjoy the here and now and not worry about what else needs to be done, or go take a nap, whichever they fancy. Together we would also learn to say "no" to the things that aren't important or more important than our kids that is. 

To nursing moms who are struggling and to formula moms who are feeling guilt I would say, "Is your child happy?  Are they growing and thriving?" If they answer yes to those then the answer is clear that they are doing their best and what more could a person ask of you.  And I know, as I have done both, pumping and working SUCKS, like holy heck does it suck.  But when you get home and snuggle that baby and see that what your body is providing them is all they ask or need of you. Well, it just makes it suck a little less. To my mom friends who work full time and then come home and mom full time just know that it is ok to come home and occasionally lounge on the couch and binge watch a show with your kids.  They will be fine, their brain will not rot away, because kids, especially school age kids, all need a break too sometimes!

To my stay at home mom friends, seriously listen to this because it is insanely important. I'll cap it so it's clear. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP OR A BREAK.  Like really it is, you don't have to be supermom everyday.  It is hard moming 24/7/365.  I love my kids more than anything on the face of this Earth but damn if I couldn't use a break every now and again. You have to stay in tuned with who you are as person in order to be the best mom version of you for them.  Did that makes sense?  Because I feel like it did in my mind.... but you know whatever! 

And while I am still a few months away from having school age kids, I can see how managing all that entails can be hard especially when we ourselves have full schedules to maintain.  All we can do is try our best and know at the end of the day that we did just that!

We all need to remember that we are not alone, that we have support all around us.  That it is OKAY to ask for that support when we need it.  I don't know about you but I want to be there for not only the good times but for those hard times too.  I want you to know you are not alone just as I want to know that I am not alone.  The saying "it takes a village" comes to mind, how are we going to get through this thing called motherhood without the support of those who have been through it too.  We are in the trenches together my friends!  

Also, something I have learned with my three crazy adorable most fabulous kids is that what works for one isn't going to work for the other.  I have to find daily what the magic potion is that will work wonders for them all and if I am lucky I will get two days in a row of the same tactic working but we will just call that a bonus! 

This is my right now...

As a parent you have moments where you think "I can't do this one more day!"  You have days where you feel completely and totally inadequate to those fellow parents around you and doubt you are doing anything right by your kid(s).  For me I feel like this is more for moms than dads for two reasons.  One, women naturally put more pressure on themselves in all things, we constantly compare ourselves to those around us.  Plus, there is that good old mother's guilt.  Two, we carried, physically carried our children inside of our bodies for 9+ months.  We were literally the force field that protected them day in and day out until it came time for them to bust out of the womb. And then...then we were hopeless to stop whatever may happen to them. Men, while they love their children more than words could ever say I don't think, now mind you this is just my opinion, that they feel the same amount of pressure we women do to get this parenting thing "right".  Whatever that may mean in our individual home. 

With this third pregnancy flying by week after week I find myself getting more and more stressed out on a variety of motherhood tasks. One, how am I going to have enough time in the day for all three of my kids and their very different needs?  What will happen while I am in the hospital having my third baby and my first two are at home? Are just a couple of the long list on repeat in my head. 

Add to that Z-man's oh so fabulous 4 year old tantrums and Sweet Peas constant need to know that I am on her level, literally sitting on the ground, while she plays independently and freaking out if she can't see me or be near me or feel me when she needs that reassurance that yes I am in fact sill here. And then, well then I talk to my sister, who is dealing with her own day to day struggles and she says, "This is my right now, not my forever." And then it clicks.  This is a season of life, a season in which I will all to soon look back on and miss those moments when my children needed me the way they do now.  A time when they form more of their own independence and get closer and closer to no longer fitting in my arms for me to rock them.  

For example, just yesterday while loading the car after shopping with two kids solo I found my self thinking, "Crap! How am I going to take three kids to the grocery store, load them in and out of the car multiple times, get everything we need, load and unload our food, without it taking all day!?"  Just as I finished that thought Z-man exclaimed from his car seat "Momma I did it! I buckled my own seat belt all by myself for the first time!" Now to you this is probably going to seem like such a tiny insignificant detail in everyday life, especially if you have yet to have kids, let along a four year old, of your own. But this, for me, was HUGE!  While yes it is just one more thing to add to the growing list of ways he doesn't need my help anymore it will also be a ginormous help once Bambino is here.  Then instead of having to buckle three kids into the car I will have to do only two and just quickly double check the third.  Which seriously will save time! 

Add to that my Sweet Pea who is just a week shy of 1 years old.  Like seriously how did that happen so quickly!? She has decided that she doesn't need us to carry her up the stairs anymore, she can crawl/climb them totally solo. We obviously walk right behind her to make sure we are there to catch her if she slips.  But again something that seems like not such a big deal to some is huge to the pregnant lady who goes up and down the stairs a minimum of 10-15 times a DAY! No wonder I haven't gained any weight this pregnancy with that workout program! Not only that but Sweet Pea has taken her first steps.  She is regularly taking 2-4 steps at a time before falling and trying again.  I am just a few incredibly fast passing short weeks away from having a full on walker.  This will provide new challenges I know but at the same time it will also provide some freedom in my day allowing me to focus on other things, like getting ready for our Bambino and all of his needs once he comes in April. 

So, I guess the point of this post is to simply say, when the day feel insurmountable and you think that your plate cannot fit one more crumb on it remember my sisters words... This is my right now...not my forever.  Then take a step back, a deep breath, and look around you and see those tiny hardly noticeable changes that occur little but little each day until it is such a big change and you can't remember what was so hard the day before.  And know this, we all have our own to see and we can make it through together. 

Until next time my friends! 

Bed Time and Tantrums

Oh my.  That is quite the title we have there isn't it.  Hello my friends, I am sorry it has been so long since we last had a chat here.  You see I have been a little busy living day to day life and that has left me with very little "me" time, whatever that is, and for that I am sorry. 

I am here to share with you a little snippet of what has been happening around these parts lately. It has been rough mostly with the kids, more specifically with Z-man. 

We are at a crossroads of naps and no naps.  Most days he still needs a nap but that will lead to a later bed time which then leads to not enough sleep and him then again needing a nap.  But here in lies the problem.  He doesn't want to nap and unless I force him to take a nap or he just happens to fall asleep randomly at 3, 4 or 5 pm he doesn't take one.  This is a huge recipe for disaster for the whole household!

Random late afternoon nap. 

Z-man while out with friends or at school is the picture of a well behaved child.  Which is you know amazing because as parents we worry that our kids act as crazy for others as they do for us!  But at home he has been full of attitude, whining, crying at every.little.thing. To the point where I thought I was about to lose my damn mind. I have never wanted to be a mom who yells or screams at her kids out of frustration but there were days (read weeks) where that is all I felt I was doing.  With CJ's work schedule it was hard because he would come home to a house in such a disarray, me pissed off because I needed a break, Z-man crying, and Sweet Pea was usually already in bed at that point. 

My poor sister would listen to me day after day complain and whine myself about how sucky it all was but she always listened and offered advice when I needed it. But after trying everything, or so I thought, I was at my wits end. Something had to change or one of us wouldn't survive to see Z-man turn 5.  Just kidding, but that is what it felt like. 

Throwing a massive tantrum because I said "No."
to having a treat 20 minutes before dinner. 

Enter a beacon of light.  A savior if you will.  The light bulb to out shine all other light bulbs. It was time for a schedule.  And not just any schedule, a bed time schedule.  Let me say first before ya'll start saying "Well....duh!"  Z-man and Sweet Pea have always been great sleepers, like I am talking sleeping through the night from 8 week postpartum.  It has been like a dream really until all of this acting out nonsense started. So, we have never had the need for a schedule for their bedtimes.  But, I thought it was worth a shot. 

Z-man had been going to bed between 8:30 & 9:30 but still waking up at 6 or 6:30 each morning. But when he napped he got all the sleep he needed for an active growing boy so we weren't concerned. With that in mind and him now not taking naps we have instilled a 7:30 bed time.

Let me just also say this.  I don't claim to be a parenting expert in fact I often roll my eyes at people who do. Because let's face it we are all just trying to figure out what works for our family and our kids one stinking day at a time. But by gosh if this hasn't been working...for us.  It has been only a few days but it seems the transition has been going smoothly. The first night was rough I think mostly because he took an accidental 45 minute nap late in the afternoon.  Last night on the other hand we started bed time at 7:30, CJ read him a book and I cuddled him for a few minutes along with a song, and by 7:45 he was sound asleep and woke in the best of moods both days. We are going to keep this routine for a few weeks and then bump the time up to 7:15 as a start of bed time and see how that goes. Wish us luck that this is a small light at the end of this phase because man I have two more kids to figure out!  

Until next time.... 

Dinner Diaster

I promised you that I would share easy dinner ideas with you.  Well, let me save you from a dinner time rush catastrophe!  CJ has been asking for lasagna recently and normally I would make it from scratch.  Not to say I make everything from scratch because let’s face it ain’t nobody got time for that noise! I am all about boxed cake mix for just about all things, I doctor it up to make it taste more homemade (i.e. put a box of pudding in to keep it extra fluffy and homemade-esque.)  But lasagna is one thing that I normally take the time to make from scratch. 

With that said lately with two little ones and one more on the way I just was looking for EASY. So, while at the grocery store this last weekend we picked up a Stouffer's lasagna.  It looked good and would “save me time” so in the cart it went. 

Cut to Wednesday night, CJ wasn’t going to be home until after 7 pm and it was 5:30 and Z-man and I were hungry, border line HANGRY so I thought we would do the lasagna.  Well that little sucker takes 80 MINUTES to bake.  Yes EIGHTY FREAKING MINUTES!  Well if nothing else dinner would be hot when CJ got home because planning on something simple I hadn’t pulled anything else from the freezer.

We have also hit a phase with Z-man where he is refusing to eat anything that I make for him if it isn’t nuggets, mac and cheese, or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  It is phase that makes me want to pull my hair out daily and rock in a corner telling myself over and over “It will be ok.  It will be ok. It will be ok.”

An average dinner conversation goes as follows;

Z-man: “Umm… I think I don’t like this (insert anything other than the three above named items)”

Me: “Well this is what is for dinner and this is what you will eat”

Z-man: “Well, I am not hungry then”

Me:

Super fun right?  Nope not at all.  But to be fair most of it is our fault.  For a period of time the cheaper the meals could be the better for our budget as fund were beyond tight for a while. But now that we are in a better place financially and starting to get back into our old routine of more wholesome eating it is a challenge to change those habits with Z-man.

Sweet Pea on the other hand will eat anything we put in front of her and is happy the whole meal. Oh, Lord, please don’t let me mess up with food with her too! 

But, back to lasagna night, Z-man pulled his new super fun “I’m not hungry.”  And this night we said “Well, if you don’t eat it now you will have it for breakfast. Or lunch if you don’t eat it for breakfast.”  By the grace of some higher power**ahem** us threatening no birthday party**ahem** he took a bite and SHOCKER the kid freaking loved it! I know crazy right! Who would have thought that I would put something eatable in front of my child?

CJ had two helpings and I thought it was gross and vowed to never take the “easy” way out ever again.

This semi disaster could have ended so much worse but going forward I will stick with what I know will be quick during the week and save the new more time consuming things for the weekend when CJ and I can tag team with the kiddos. 

See ya later friends!