Mom struggles...they're real!

As mother's we all have those days that we feel we have failed, that we are horrible moms, that our kids will grow up and hate us.  That they will leave the nest and never want to come back.  

But here is the thing. We don't talk about those days.  Maybe occasionally we will with close friends and some family but we as moms often keep those thoughts and emotions to ourselves,  I just am sitting here wondering why?  Why do those day to day struggles of raising our children have to be a burden we bare alone. Yes, we can talk to our other half but let's be real, they don't truly understand the guilt we put on ourselves daily about the smallest of slips. 

A few weeks ago I had a horrible, no good, very bad day with my daughter.  I felt defeated, I felt I failed and that it would be better if I wasn't with them full time, but holy moly daycare cost for 3 kids! EEK! I was crying and horribly upset after she went to bed and I did something we all as moms don't normally do. I shared my horrible, no good, very bad day on a social media post.  I figured that people wouldn't read it, that they would just scroll on by and find something happy to read.  But that didn't happen.  I had mom friends and friends who have yet to enter the world of motherhood comment with kind encouraging words.  Words that lifted my spirit and made me feel like I am not alone.  I am not the only one who struggles with keeping my cool or always having the most nutritious dinner on the table. 

I went to bed that night with hope in my heart that the next day would be a little better.  I prayed hard that night, asking for forgiveness for the harsh words I had used, that my daughter would wake with a smile on her face with the day before forgotten, and a good day to be had by all. And we had just that!

Even days after that horrible one I felt a new sensation as I went about my daily routine with being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, etc. I felt like I had this team of loved ones with me everywhere I went, I felt like I wasn't alone when I was starting to lose my patience.  And let's be real here with three kids under five losing patience is like an Olympic sport and I win the gold! Ha!

But the other night, as I started writing this post, I got to thinking about what struggles my friends might be having in their lives as mothers, the struggles no one talks about but everyone goes through.  I have friends and family in varying stages of motherhood so I asked, "What are your struggles as a mom?" And I got some of the most honest and real answers and you know what, I related to every.single.one!   

First time moms who are in the thick of self doubt because as my mom says "They don't come with a manual". What would I say to those moms who are doubting every decision they make wondering if it is the right one.  I wish I could have them all over, snuggle all the new babies, and say, "It ok, you've got this, your love for this child will not lead you astray.  Trust that gut instinct and throw out the books because the knowledge of what your baby needs is within you!" And then I would let them take a nap on my most comfortable couch with the worlds softest blanket while all the babies played in the other room. 

To the moms who have 2 or more kids who all have different needs and need those needs all met at the exact same time.  I would sit them down at my table where we could laugh and cry at the crazy things that our kids say and do and hand them a glass of wine, or soda, whichever is their go to after a long ass day where you feel that it might just be the day you lose your damn mind! 

And the moms who are planners and organizers that want to just sit back and enjoy the moment instead of the ones we've planned for next week, month, year!  I would take their planners and phones, lock them in a drawer and we would all head to the park for some fun in sun followed by brownies and ice cream, because I mean who doesn't love that! Am I right?

The moms drowning in mom guilt of having enough time to do everything.  I would hire a maid, cook, or whatever they need for a day so they can just be.  They could just enjoy the here and now and not worry about what else needs to be done, or go take a nap, whichever they fancy. Together we would also learn to say "no" to the things that aren't important or more important than our kids that is. 

To nursing moms who are struggling and to formula moms who are feeling guilt I would say, "Is your child happy?  Are they growing and thriving?" If they answer yes to those then the answer is clear that they are doing their best and what more could a person ask of you.  And I know, as I have done both, pumping and working SUCKS, like holy heck does it suck.  But when you get home and snuggle that baby and see that what your body is providing them is all they ask or need of you. Well, it just makes it suck a little less. To my mom friends who work full time and then come home and mom full time just know that it is ok to come home and occasionally lounge on the couch and binge watch a show with your kids.  They will be fine, their brain will not rot away, because kids, especially school age kids, all need a break too sometimes!

To my stay at home mom friends, seriously listen to this because it is insanely important. I'll cap it so it's clear. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP OR A BREAK.  Like really it is, you don't have to be supermom everyday.  It is hard moming 24/7/365.  I love my kids more than anything on the face of this Earth but damn if I couldn't use a break every now and again. You have to stay in tuned with who you are as person in order to be the best mom version of you for them.  Did that makes sense?  Because I feel like it did in my mind.... but you know whatever! 

And while I am still a few months away from having school age kids, I can see how managing all that entails can be hard especially when we ourselves have full schedules to maintain.  All we can do is try our best and know at the end of the day that we did just that!

We all need to remember that we are not alone, that we have support all around us.  That it is OKAY to ask for that support when we need it.  I don't know about you but I want to be there for not only the good times but for those hard times too.  I want you to know you are not alone just as I want to know that I am not alone.  The saying "it takes a village" comes to mind, how are we going to get through this thing called motherhood without the support of those who have been through it too.  We are in the trenches together my friends!  

Also, something I have learned with my three crazy adorable most fabulous kids is that what works for one isn't going to work for the other.  I have to find daily what the magic potion is that will work wonders for them all and if I am lucky I will get two days in a row of the same tactic working but we will just call that a bonus! 

Someday...But not today.

Before I became a mom I had all these ideas of what it would be like.  What I would feel like.  How it would change me.  But I was wrong, so very very wrong.  It is so much more than that.  It is a feeling unlike any other in the world.  There is no love like a mother’s love and it is a feeling that consumes you.

It also is a feeling that will keep you up at night thinking about what if’s and someday’s.  The somedays you know are far off in the distance and the someday’s that are looming down and are right around the corner.  Time, I have learned, is fleeting when you become a parent.  You desperately try to grasp for more of it but the more you try to grasp at it the faster it appears to slip away.

Someday I won’t have to change diapers any more.  Someday going down the formula aisle in any store will be a thing of the past, the same with diapers.  Someday tripping over toys and lovies will be a thing of the past only to be replaced with shoes, backpacks, and other various teenage junk.   Someday fighting over how many more bites is needed in order to get a “special treat” will be a memory we laugh about and not a daily struggle.

Someday I won’t have to announce “Bath Time” and wash all the kids myself.  Someday I’ll be pounding on the wall saying “Get out of the shower!” Someday I won’t have to help with jammies or getting dressed at all, until one special day for my one special girl when she’s met that one special guy.  Someday, I’ll be watching them pack and leave for great adventures and lives of their own.

Someday I won’t have to tuck three of the sweetest people that have ever walked the face of this earth in bed.  Someday I won’t have to do five snugs as a bug in a rugs.  Someday they will be doing the tucking and the snuging and the story telling.  Someday the only book I will read at night is the one I have chosen for myself.  Someday when I prepare dinner it will be just for me and my husband.  Someday I’ll prepare a meal so big I’ll wonder how I ever struggled with finding time to cook for five.

Someday I won’t have to worry about what school is best and what doctor should I choose.  Someday I’ll be worried about how far away the college is and how many visits are too many visits. Someday they won’t need me like they need me today, there won’t be booboos to kiss away, but there will be broken hearts to mend.  Someday they will be all mended and ready for the last and longest loves of their lives.  Someday I’ll dance a special dance with two of my most special boys on the most special day of their lives.  Someday I’ll become second replaced by her and I’ll gladly give her the spot and make sure she knows how loved she is by not only my son but by his parents as well.

Someday I won’t listen to endless bickering and tattling.  I will only hear silence of a house once filled with so much noise I can’t remember what the bickering or tattling was about but will remember the love and laughter that fills these walls around us.

Someday I’ll hold a baby freshly born again but then it will be with the love of a grandma and I suspect the worry’s, what if’s, and someday’s will all start again. 

But not today.

Today, I will hold my final baby for a little longer.  Today, my only girl will let me rock her for a minute even though we both know she just wants to be laid down in her bed.  Today, I’ll do six snugs as a bug in a rug for my oldest.  For the one who made me a momma for the very first time.  Today I will pray like I have from the very first positive test I have ever received for their safety, for their happiness, for the peace of mind that I will always do whatever is best for them.

Today I will look at the monitor as my babies sleep and know that all those someday’s will eventually come but I will soak up ever single bit of the today that I can.  Today I will read an extra story book at night about far off places or dirty dinosaurs or princesses who need their prince to save them.  Today I won’t worry about the dishes or what I need to do tomorrow.

Today I will hold my babies close and smell their freshly bathed hair and love on them and thank them for being so special and for loving me exactly as I am.  Today I will thank my husband for this beautiful life we are building even though some days are hard, some days we still love each other but don’t always like each other in the moment. Today I will cherish the moments that are good and store them in the memory bank for those someday’s when I am lonely.

Today I will be thankful that God trusted me enough to be a momma to three beautiful beings who may poop/pee on me, who need lots of attention, who repeat themselves until I acknowledge every word they have said.  Children who ask for a special treat even though they know they didn’t eat all of their dinner.  Today I’ll say “OK, but just this once” even though we both know that is a lie. Today I will build a lego tower instead of sweeping. Today I won’t worry about tomorrow and just savor each moment I have with my babies.

Today I will love the life I am living because I can’t imagine a better one.