As mother's we all have those days that we feel we have failed, that we are horrible moms, that our kids will grow up and hate us. That they will leave the nest and never want to come back.
But here is the thing. We don't talk about those days. Maybe occasionally we will with close friends and some family but we as moms often keep those thoughts and emotions to ourselves, I just am sitting here wondering why? Why do those day to day struggles of raising our children have to be a burden we bare alone. Yes, we can talk to our other half but let's be real, they don't truly understand the guilt we put on ourselves daily about the smallest of slips.
A few weeks ago I had a horrible, no good, very bad day with my daughter. I felt defeated, I felt I failed and that it would be better if I wasn't with them full time, but holy moly daycare cost for 3 kids! EEK! I was crying and horribly upset after she went to bed and I did something we all as moms don't normally do. I shared my horrible, no good, very bad day on a social media post. I figured that people wouldn't read it, that they would just scroll on by and find something happy to read. But that didn't happen. I had mom friends and friends who have yet to enter the world of motherhood comment with kind encouraging words. Words that lifted my spirit and made me feel like I am not alone. I am not the only one who struggles with keeping my cool or always having the most nutritious dinner on the table.
I went to bed that night with hope in my heart that the next day would be a little better. I prayed hard that night, asking for forgiveness for the harsh words I had used, that my daughter would wake with a smile on her face with the day before forgotten, and a good day to be had by all. And we had just that!
Even days after that horrible one I felt a new sensation as I went about my daily routine with being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, etc. I felt like I had this team of loved ones with me everywhere I went, I felt like I wasn't alone when I was starting to lose my patience. And let's be real here with three kids under five losing patience is like an Olympic sport and I win the gold! Ha!
But the other night, as I started writing this post, I got to thinking about what struggles my friends might be having in their lives as mothers, the struggles no one talks about but everyone goes through. I have friends and family in varying stages of motherhood so I asked, "What are your struggles as a mom?" And I got some of the most honest and real answers and you know what, I related to every.single.one!
First time moms who are in the thick of self doubt because as my mom says "They don't come with a manual". What would I say to those moms who are doubting every decision they make wondering if it is the right one. I wish I could have them all over, snuggle all the new babies, and say, "It ok, you've got this, your love for this child will not lead you astray. Trust that gut instinct and throw out the books because the knowledge of what your baby needs is within you!" And then I would let them take a nap on my most comfortable couch with the worlds softest blanket while all the babies played in the other room.
To the moms who have 2 or more kids who all have different needs and need those needs all met at the exact same time. I would sit them down at my table where we could laugh and cry at the crazy things that our kids say and do and hand them a glass of wine, or soda, whichever is their go to after a long ass day where you feel that it might just be the day you lose your damn mind!
And the moms who are planners and organizers that want to just sit back and enjoy the moment instead of the ones we've planned for next week, month, year! I would take their planners and phones, lock them in a drawer and we would all head to the park for some fun in sun followed by brownies and ice cream, because I mean who doesn't love that! Am I right?
The moms drowning in mom guilt of having enough time to do everything. I would hire a maid, cook, or whatever they need for a day so they can just be. They could just enjoy the here and now and not worry about what else needs to be done, or go take a nap, whichever they fancy. Together we would also learn to say "no" to the things that aren't important or more important than our kids that is.
To nursing moms who are struggling and to formula moms who are feeling guilt I would say, "Is your child happy? Are they growing and thriving?" If they answer yes to those then the answer is clear that they are doing their best and what more could a person ask of you. And I know, as I have done both, pumping and working SUCKS, like holy heck does it suck. But when you get home and snuggle that baby and see that what your body is providing them is all they ask or need of you. Well, it just makes it suck a little less. To my mom friends who work full time and then come home and mom full time just know that it is ok to come home and occasionally lounge on the couch and binge watch a show with your kids. They will be fine, their brain will not rot away, because kids, especially school age kids, all need a break too sometimes!
To my stay at home mom friends, seriously listen to this because it is insanely important. I'll cap it so it's clear. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP OR A BREAK. Like really it is, you don't have to be supermom everyday. It is hard moming 24/7/365. I love my kids more than anything on the face of this Earth but damn if I couldn't use a break every now and again. You have to stay in tuned with who you are as person in order to be the best mom version of you for them. Did that makes sense? Because I feel like it did in my mind.... but you know whatever!
And while I am still a few months away from having school age kids, I can see how managing all that entails can be hard especially when we ourselves have full schedules to maintain. All we can do is try our best and know at the end of the day that we did just that!
We all need to remember that we are not alone, that we have support all around us. That it is OKAY to ask for that support when we need it. I don't know about you but I want to be there for not only the good times but for those hard times too. I want you to know you are not alone just as I want to know that I am not alone. The saying "it takes a village" comes to mind, how are we going to get through this thing called motherhood without the support of those who have been through it too. We are in the trenches together my friends!
Also, something I have learned with my three crazy adorable most fabulous kids is that what works for one isn't going to work for the other. I have to find daily what the magic potion is that will work wonders for them all and if I am lucky I will get two days in a row of the same tactic working but we will just call that a bonus!
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