Someday...But not today.

Before I became a mom I had all these ideas of what it would be like.  What I would feel like.  How it would change me.  But I was wrong, so very very wrong.  It is so much more than that.  It is a feeling unlike any other in the world.  There is no love like a mother’s love and it is a feeling that consumes you.

It also is a feeling that will keep you up at night thinking about what if’s and someday’s.  The somedays you know are far off in the distance and the someday’s that are looming down and are right around the corner.  Time, I have learned, is fleeting when you become a parent.  You desperately try to grasp for more of it but the more you try to grasp at it the faster it appears to slip away.

Someday I won’t have to change diapers any more.  Someday going down the formula aisle in any store will be a thing of the past, the same with diapers.  Someday tripping over toys and lovies will be a thing of the past only to be replaced with shoes, backpacks, and other various teenage junk.   Someday fighting over how many more bites is needed in order to get a “special treat” will be a memory we laugh about and not a daily struggle.

Someday I won’t have to announce “Bath Time” and wash all the kids myself.  Someday I’ll be pounding on the wall saying “Get out of the shower!” Someday I won’t have to help with jammies or getting dressed at all, until one special day for my one special girl when she’s met that one special guy.  Someday, I’ll be watching them pack and leave for great adventures and lives of their own.

Someday I won’t have to tuck three of the sweetest people that have ever walked the face of this earth in bed.  Someday I won’t have to do five snugs as a bug in a rugs.  Someday they will be doing the tucking and the snuging and the story telling.  Someday the only book I will read at night is the one I have chosen for myself.  Someday when I prepare dinner it will be just for me and my husband.  Someday I’ll prepare a meal so big I’ll wonder how I ever struggled with finding time to cook for five.

Someday I won’t have to worry about what school is best and what doctor should I choose.  Someday I’ll be worried about how far away the college is and how many visits are too many visits. Someday they won’t need me like they need me today, there won’t be booboos to kiss away, but there will be broken hearts to mend.  Someday they will be all mended and ready for the last and longest loves of their lives.  Someday I’ll dance a special dance with two of my most special boys on the most special day of their lives.  Someday I’ll become second replaced by her and I’ll gladly give her the spot and make sure she knows how loved she is by not only my son but by his parents as well.

Someday I won’t listen to endless bickering and tattling.  I will only hear silence of a house once filled with so much noise I can’t remember what the bickering or tattling was about but will remember the love and laughter that fills these walls around us.

Someday I’ll hold a baby freshly born again but then it will be with the love of a grandma and I suspect the worry’s, what if’s, and someday’s will all start again. 

But not today.

Today, I will hold my final baby for a little longer.  Today, my only girl will let me rock her for a minute even though we both know she just wants to be laid down in her bed.  Today, I’ll do six snugs as a bug in a rug for my oldest.  For the one who made me a momma for the very first time.  Today I will pray like I have from the very first positive test I have ever received for their safety, for their happiness, for the peace of mind that I will always do whatever is best for them.

Today I will look at the monitor as my babies sleep and know that all those someday’s will eventually come but I will soak up ever single bit of the today that I can.  Today I will read an extra story book at night about far off places or dirty dinosaurs or princesses who need their prince to save them.  Today I won’t worry about the dishes or what I need to do tomorrow.

Today I will hold my babies close and smell their freshly bathed hair and love on them and thank them for being so special and for loving me exactly as I am.  Today I will thank my husband for this beautiful life we are building even though some days are hard, some days we still love each other but don’t always like each other in the moment. Today I will cherish the moments that are good and store them in the memory bank for those someday’s when I am lonely.

Today I will be thankful that God trusted me enough to be a momma to three beautiful beings who may poop/pee on me, who need lots of attention, who repeat themselves until I acknowledge every word they have said.  Children who ask for a special treat even though they know they didn’t eat all of their dinner.  Today I’ll say “OK, but just this once” even though we both know that is a lie. Today I will build a lego tower instead of sweeping. Today I won’t worry about tomorrow and just savor each moment I have with my babies.

Today I will love the life I am living because I can’t imagine a better one.